Re: Jokes Thread

[SilentSmooth Operator]

dry

[lumiAdministrator]

bamox

[cornAdministrator]

A priest is out fishing with a sailor. He hooks a huge one and with the help of the sailor, lands it. Upon seeing it the sailor explains, "Look at the size of that fucker!" The priest gasped. Thinking on his feet the sailor continued, "Sorry Father, but that's what this fish is called. It's a Fucker Fish."

"Then I shall take this Fucker to the bishop," the priest responds.

The priest goes to the church and says to the bishop, "Have you seen the size of this fucker?"

"Language!" the bishop gasped.

"No you don't understand, that's what they call the fish. It's a Fucker Fish."

"Oh right, well I'll go and clean the Fucker."

The bishop cleans the fish and goes to the Old Lady of the House and says, "Can you cook this fucker for the dinner tonight?"

The Old Lady gasped, "You cannot use such language in the Lords house!"

"No, this fish is called a Fucker Fish."

"Alright, I'll cook this Fucker and I'll tell the butler to serve the fucker. The Pope is coming round for dinner tonight."

So the Pope comes round and the Fucker is served. They all dig in and when finished, the pope said, "That fish was delicious."

"Yes and I caught the Fucker!" the priest boasted.
"And I cleaned the Fucker!" the bishop remarked.
"And I cooked the Fucker!" the Old Lady shouted.
"And I served the Fucker!" the butler quipped.

The Pope took a look at all four and with a slight grin, responded, "You know, you cunts are alright."

[cornAdministrator]

An old gentleman with a walking stick walks into a bar with a pig. He walks up to the bartender and says, "Do you want to see something amazing?"

"Sure," the bartender replies.

"My pig can answer sums in French watch." So he leans over to the pig and says, "What's 7+2?"

"Neuf." the pig replies.

"And he can even do subtraction too, what's 12-3?"

"Neuf."

The bartender jumps in," Hey how is that fair? The answer is just going to be nine every time. Let me ask it a question."

"Sure," the old gentleman replies.

"Okay, whats 4x2?"

The gentleman gets his walking stick and whacks the pig up the rear.

The pig squeals, "HUUUUIIIIIITTTT!!"

[cornAdministrator]

Spoiler:

NSFW

[The DoctorSmooth Operator]

"I'm good at hax" - skizar

[cornAdministrator]

There was once a man who was born with a single testicle and everywhere he went, bad luck seemed to rain down on him. One day he was on board a flight when unfortunately the plane began to malfunction and one passenger had to be thrown out to reduce the weight. Each passenger on the flight drew straws and the man, unfortunately, drew the short straw. "No, I am not accepting this!" he yelled, aghast, "I have been unlucky all of my life and I refuse to let it dictate the end of my days!"

The other passengers shrugged and proceeded to draw straws a second time. Again, the man drew the short straw and again the man protested the outcome. They proceeded to draw straws a third time and yet again  the man drew short. He demanded that they draw straws a 4th time, which they did, and once again, he picked the short straw. This time he looked at all the passengers and said, "Fine. I will accept the outcome and jump out of the plane on one condition: You have to guess correctly how many testicles both me and the man in front of me have put together."

The other passengers looked at each other slightly bewildered, and with a hint of bemusement in their tone, uttered, "Well, four of course!"

The man scanned the passengers' bewildered faces and stood there triumphantly, and with a hearty, uproarious chuckle, he proceeded to throw his pants onto the ground and guffawed, "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! YOU ARE ALL WRONG! LOOK!" revealing his lone, proud, single testicle. The man in front of him then proceeded to pull his pants down.

He had three testicles.

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